Time flies.......

Three more days.......
Three more days before my son Ryan's birthday. January 27th 2005, 8,23 am in hospital "de Heel" in Zaandam was the moment I experienced mother nature's power. A miracle of life......First I saw his hair, then his head and finally he was there. After I had cut the navel-string I held him in my arms. I cried and I was filled with joy.....he is a little miracle, he is our everything, he is our son.
Two years have already gone by...it seems just like yesterday that he first smiled at me, his first bath, his first injection, the first time he got sick, the first time he said: "papa" and of course his first steps. It's so hard to believe that time went by so fast and next week he already goes to school.

But what's next??? College, university, work, mariage, children.......what will the future bring?

A few months ago, I suddenly felt sick. My stomach started to tremble, I had an aching chest. My arm felt as if they were sleeping and I couldn't breath properly. At that moment....I thought I was dying. Quite silly of my of course cause I only had some hyper-ventilation. Anyway I was so afraid at the time. Afraid of dying......all of a sudden....never in my life I have been afraid of dying. All I could think of was my family, Nancy, Ryan, my parents, my grandmother, my sister....
Why was I so afraid?? Dying wasn't that scary but the thought that I wouldn't be able to take care of family, I wouldn't be able to see Ryan grow up and spend my elder years with Nancy.
I used to imagine how empty life would be if all my loved ones were gone. What a terrible thought.
Question. Who would you like to die first?? You?? or your loved ones??
A lot of people would chose to die first so that they wouldn't have to see their loved ones leaving them. True...seeing the ones you love pass away is more painfull than dying yourself.
However, I would chose to die last....not because I am afraid of dying, but because I will be able to take care of them until they leave. And I also don't want them to sad about me. Besides, when they leave, my heart goes with them.

Ever since I got sick, I have realised how much my family means to me and I will try my best to cherish my time with them. I will enjoy every moment and do my best to provide them with a happy life.

Conclusion: Cherish life, the ones you love and make the best of every day.....Carpe Diem